so in 2021, i co hosted/taught a dj beginners course with a friend and it was hosted at a diy creative space in east los angeles. through this, i had met and became cool with one of the women who worked at the space, following each other on ig just to keep up with each others creative endeavors. a little while after our course had taken place, i had seen this new friend posting an ISO story post looking for a femme artist who could do "graffiti style" art work to work on an independent film project. i was very intrigued at this post, at the time i was looking to expand my skill set and resume of work. so a movie set experience seemed like a great way to start! i contacted this friend and she replied right away, mentioning she had me in mind when she had originally posted. the sequence of events between me walking onto set and me signing up for the job are a little blurry, but basically i was put in contact with someone coordinating for this film project. i believe their name was Lauren? Lauren told me more about the project id be working on, it was a indie film project by students from the American Film Institute. the plot of the film was about a young afro latina in 80's NYC who was looking for their place in life while also becoming their own artist as a graffiti writer. i immediately connected to this, as it literally sounds like something i lived. literally just switch "80s NY" for "2000's-2010's LA" and it's pretty much a story about little me lol. I felt like it would be a really good thing for me to assist these students because maybe this piece could turn into a story that not a lot of people get to see.
Lauren had sent over paperwork for me to sign, and sent over the schedule for the work id be hired for. "hired" is a very loose term, it turned out id only be given $100 for supply. this made me feel a little uneasy, buuuuut i figured i already have paint supply to use. i also know how to mix paint and this could be something really authentic for the film, so maybe that could help me save some cash. the first red flag came when Lauren asked me to buy supply before i arrived at set, without them giving me funds before this. i had already communicated with Lauren that at the time, i was unemployed and had only like $100 to my name, so being asked to spend my last dollars for their project seemed... weird? but since it was my first encounters and i still wanted to maintain some sense of professionalism, i softly reminded them of my situation and suggested they pay me up front. i think they probably didn't trust me, but i kinda just told them straight up i wouldn't be able to drive over to location and shop for their art supply without some type of funds for gas and the supply itself. after having to explain something very simple to these people, the begrudgingly sent me the money.
all these things happened within 3-4 days time, from me talking to my new friend to me arriving on set. the day before having to arrive on set, i had a brief zoom call with the two people heading this project. it was Lauren and the director of the film, i forgot her name but we can call her "Stacey". i felt a relieving feeling when the video call came thru and i was speaking with fellow PoC femmes, as i really was concerned about giving a story to someone who really would just be looking to exploit a lifestyle that my friends and i actually lived. they seemed very eager to meet and start working, they went a little deeper into the content of the movie and what they would need from on set. the main character of their film was a young girl with the moniker of "stazzy" and she had a friend named "ravi" and they needed me to create tags for the characters + work on clothing for the characters + paint a banner with the character's name for a scene at the end. seemed all doable tbh. i went to get certain supply and i won't lie, i got most of it for free. and honestly, i'm glad i didn't spend the money they gave me at that time because you'll see later in this story that these people were going to do the most and make me waste the limited resources offered to me.
so the day arrives, time to pull up to set. the address took me to a spot that anyone in LA underground art/graffiti scene know about, a train yard that shares a parking lot with a certain mexican food company that overlooks the DTLA skyline. this location i've spent many nights with many old friends, prepping before our paint missions and also coming back to celebrate + chill with those same friends. i feel nervous as i pull up and park, not really knowing what to expect. i notice most of the cars parked at location are... nicer than mine lmao. just something i noted. i finally walk onto set and finally meet Lauren, she's pretty soft spoken but gives me a walk through of the location. she then walks me over to a table they have set up in the back corner of the lot. this would be my "work station", i begin pulling out scrap paper and my paint markers to do some hand styles i came up with for the characters. i'm there for almost an hour with my headphones in, just drawing things, when Stacey introduces herself as well. she has a much more dominant energy, which i guess makes sense if she's the director of the project. while i was standing there, it came to my mind that i didn't see the friend who originally got me the gig (she's a set designer so i just figured she already did her work? idk how movie sets work lol). so i'm really here alone with a bunch of people idk.
after some time, Lauren comes over and i begin showing her some options i like for the characters to use. even going into detail about the tags and how they connect to the characters, things real graffiti artists would consider while creating their work. color choices, the directional movements of the hand style, the letters being rounded/bubbly vs sharp to match the character's personalities. i feel proud of myself for thinking this deeply about smaller details, but that's just something i've always enjoyed about films i like. as i finish explaining my work, i look at Lauren and start to realize that everything i had been saying wasn't really registering. she points to a tag that i scribbled over, because it wasn't a good tag. she says "i like how this looks, can we do this for the character?" i then explain that it's not an option, and it's crossed out, which doesn't symbolize something good. Lauren then tries to tell me "well i think the character would like going against the style rules bc they are like a rebel". I gently tell Lauren that 1) 80s NY graffiti was very about following the rules 2) being "crossed out" signals you have beef or people don't like you in general & 3) things like "anti style" weren't big until later on, and wouldn't make sense for a little girl to be doing things like that while finding her own style. even after explaining this, she looks at me and says "well i think we should use it". and that's when i firmly state "i'm not going to do it because it doesn't make any sense, and if this film gets seen by anyone in the actual graffiti community, y'all will make me look dumb and i can't have that". i then realize something else, i ask her "are you guys from Los Angeles?" her answer: no. "are you guys from NYC?" answer: nope. all a bunch of transplants from midwestern statee. interesting. Lauren's body language shifts, for the first time it seems she's realizing maybe she didn't do all the correct research. but instead of humbling themself to be able to learn, they will continue trying to apply pressure on me as this story continues.
so after this first interaction, Lauren steps away to discuss things with Stacey and i countinue to do my prep work. Stacey comes over and again tries to ask me to bend my artistic morals for their project and i reject it again. then she switched the conversation and asks what paint i have brought to set. i pull out my personal supply of paint markers, drippers, streaks & even some spray paint. she looks over it and asks if i can go get other colors, even tho i brought colors they had asked for. she asked me how much money i had for supply and i tell her i only have less than half of what they originally gave me. she seems upset at me saying this, but i straight up tell her i put $60 in my gas tank to be able to even arrive on location 2 days in a row and that i wasn't going to use my own gas? (gas prices were extremely high at the time). i'm starting to sense that these people are way in over their head, but the patient side of me still wanted to help for some reason. i tell them i'll go to the montana store in dt and see if i can find paint in the budget i had remaining, we only needed 2-3 cans anyways.
i leave set and drive towards the city, and even before i get to store Lauren is hitting me up asking how long i'll take??? feels a little weird and i really don't enjoy being micromanaged. i begin to feel like i'm not trusted, which is not a great thing to feel amongst fellow adults. this kinda throws me off, so i take my time and smoke some weed while i'm away from set bc why not. i still was on schedule and i had done what they asked. i was gone for less than 30 minutes, already making my way back when Lauren hits me up again bugging me for my location and i just tell her straight up "i'll share my location since you guys seem to not believe me for some reason". she starts going into recovery mode, a bunch of "oh no it's not that" but i'm over it already. i get back to set and then they ask me if i had made a tshirt for one of the characters, which isn't something they previously asked me to do? i'm extremely confused and they then ask me if i can go somewhere to buy a white t shirt to paint on. it's 6pm on a weekend, all the dtla options close by are closed and they want me to drive outside the city to target for 1 shirt that they want "airbrush style" but have no airbrush set up? because of their lack of research, they believed i could achieve an airbrush effect using spray paint. which maybe you could but not with the limited supply i was provided.
i begin feeling very flustered, and it didn't feel good. i'm the type of person where my emotions are pretty readable, so i'm sure they could sense the negative energy i had at that time. i feel like i'm not doing a good job, when in reality i'm not doing anything wrong? anyways, the first day comes to an end and i pack my things. they mention there's food i can take home, and i walk over to grab some sandwiches for myself when i noticed a group of film students adamantly watching me grab things, the feeling of not being trusted washed over me again. i say fuck them and grab an extra sandwich and leave set. as i drive home, im wondering how the second day would go and wondering if it's even worth it. i arrive home, feeling defeated and i go to sleep.
the next day arrives, and i just have a really heavy feeling. the whole time driving back to set, i feel my body telling me not to do this shit. i just feel tied to this commitment and i want to see it all the way through, so i begrudgingly pull up to location and unpack my supply for another day. i'm literally there for like 10 minutes when Lauren comes over and starts asking me to do something. tbh, i don't even remember what she asked but i do remember it was another thing that made no damn sense. so once again, i explain to her GENTLY that i can't do that work. and idk why but thank god, i had enough. my emotions bubble over and i finally tell Lauren all this shit feels really restrictive and frustrating, asking them why they even asked for an artist's help if they are going to continue diminishing my work. i think i scared her because i then said that this feeling of being micromanaged is making me feeling like i need to yell or fight someone to just be heard. she stands there just staring at me, holding her clipboard close to her chest and quietly says "i'll go tell stacey, i'll be back". i expect the director to be an adult and come talk to me, but instead Lauren walks over and quietly says "you can go home now, we don't need anything else"
LMAO.
i just chuckle to myself and start packing my personal supply, when Lauren says "oh we need to keep the paint u bought until the filming is over. we can compensate u after" but honestly i don't even give a shit anymore. i tell they can keep the shitty banner i painted, that i really don't care what they use but to not credit me for anything and not include my name because it would be embarrassing to me. as i walk off set, i turn to see Stacey hiding inside the building, coward. i feel sooooooooo relieved leaving tho lmao. that's how i knew i did the right thing. i drive away, taking time to breath and recollect myself before contacting the friend who initially got me this gig. she feels horrible and then tells me she forgot to mention that she also quit working on the set, and thats why she wasn't on set. she apologizes but it's not her fault. i'm just glad i was able to escape without having my whole artistic identity being destroyed.
when i get back home, i send a group text to both Lauren and Stacey just stating how i felt very undervalued, disrespected and shitty after the film set experience and i remind them to please not credit me for their project. they don't respond at all to this message lol. the next day, i reach out their school, in the hopes of being heard by someone. to keep it short, i had discussions with someone from the American Film Institute and they fake being concerned and interested in what i had to say, they say they are going to talk to the students but i really don't know if they ever did.
idk what happened to the film or those students, but i hope this experience taught them to not diminish the individualities of artists. this experience also really made me think about how artist's constantly face situations where they have to decide to either work + undervalue themselves or not work at all. people who hire creatives should respect their morals and their backgrounds, because that's what makes their art special. if people continue to use creatives in ways that deteriorate their self worth, then we will continue watching shit movies and media that feel disconnected from reality. if you're thinking of creating something that isn't something you actually lived through, maybe be respectful and do your research.
moral of this story: know your worth! :)
bye <3
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