before i get into the details, i just want to make a few things clear. i am not trying to gain anything from this retelling, as i've told people this story before (it'll become clear later on in this post that i have previously called out this behavior on a public forum while it was happening to me). this story just is for those who may end up seeking internships to strengthen their creative skills to serve as a cautionary tale to show u red flags to pay attention to. a lot of internships are way worse than my experience, and i am fine after the fact and still creating. i signed up for this unpaid internship experience fully knowing it wasn't going to have a perfect experience, based on other people i know telling me about their internships. but when you're 19 years old and hungry for experience, you will silence a lot of the negative feelings you have to hold onto any form of optimistic future you vision for yourself. i tried my best to lineup everything accurately time wise. i know in my mind, some dates get mixed up but overall it doesn't change anything in the story really and i'll try my best not to include things that aren't 100% accurate to me and aren't needed for the story. ok, let's get to it.
it all starts early spring 2015. at this time i was 19 years old, working part time to support my creative endeavors and concert ticket addiction lol. in high school, i was heavily into the odd future movement as it was starting. my homie and i would bus it all over the city to go to low key art shows thrown by them, secret shows and exclusive merchandise drops at the original OF store. due to this, i explored a lot of the niche music Tyler would post in his DJ stank daddy mixes or just things he'd post about. i wanted to know what inspired him and what he looked towards for creative motivation. thru this research, i discovered the person who i would end up interning for. i won't say the name, but any one who has at least 1 brain cell left will be able to connect the person to their name. their music was dreamy, lo-fi, soft. with heavy samples of oldies tracks to compliment their bedroom pop aesthetic, i fell into their music catalog heavy. at the time, it was just eps and demos but they had their 1st album on the way and guess what, they were about to perform at the Echo to debut that project. i had to be there. i went with my boyfriend at the time and i remember just eagerly waiting to see what this new discovery would provide to the world of music. I wondered if tyler would pull up (he did), i wondered what songs she'd perform, what outfit she would wear and how'd she style her platinum blonde hair (her fits were always on point). eventually we got in, i was front row as the show begun and it was a dream tbh. the live vocals match the recordings, a rare thing in live music lol. the show went on and ended too fast for me, i wanted more. her on stage persona seemed welcoming, open to her fans and loving to them as well. she even had girls come on stage for the last song of the show. it was overall a good time. i left that night knowing she would become a staple in my music taste for the near future.
a few weeks past, and i'm scrolling on instagram. my part time job at corporate hell hole Disneyland was depeleting my life source for art and i was desperate to find something to drag me off of this path, and that's when it happened. She posted on her IG that she was looking for an assistant, unpaid internship experience. just shoot her an email describing my goals, what i do, my interests and include a picture of myself. i had a car and drivers license already, i was solid. at the time, i had been throwing very small diy art shows and get togethers and was looking for some
outside guidance on how to make my hobby into a career and maybe this internship could do that for me. so fuck it, i sent an email not really expecting much. i mentioned how i would eventually like to have some type of space for artists to host events, workshops, community projects etc and i talked about how important art was to me. hopefully that meant something to someone else other than me.
i think it was about only a week later that i found something in my mail inbox that i couldn't believe, a response from the musician herself. i opened the email not knowing what to expect... she wanted to interview me over the phone. that's good, right?! i was stoked. i immediately sent her my phone number and told her i was available anytime to talk. now the anxious waiting really set in. i remember being at work on the clock and waiting for a call. i even told my supervisors i was waiting for an important call. a day or two went by, no call. it's ok, i told myself even though i was dying inside lmao. and of course, when i thought it was over and it wouldn't happen, it happened. i was at work when i received the call, and it was really her. trippy as fuck for me lmao. she had a soft voice like in her music, and she pretty much just asked more about what art i do, my goals, double checked if i could drive and asked my availability. after that, she mentioned there were 2-3 other girls she had to interview and then she would get back to me. phone call done, i returned to work and had to act like something potentially life changing didnt just happen in the back of a dumbass disney kitchen.
the time between that call and her getting back to me is blurry to me, i don't remember if it was days or a week or two, but she did get back to me. and i couldn't believe what i was reading when i saw the words "i chose you for the internship". r u fucking kidding meeeee lmao. immediately i responded with something like "u let me know what u need, i'm there". she asked if i was open to working with her on a video shoot, that weekend. uuuuummmmmm, hell ya! lmao i said yes not asking for any extra details, i really didnt give a fuck i was just ready for action.
the day arrived for the first time meeting face to face, and not only that, we were going to drive into the desert with her friends and a film crew to shoot a video for a song off her new album. i was nervous as hell tbh, but i just tried to stay calm as i drove towards her apartment (at the time) right off sunset blvd in the heart of hollywood. i dont really like hollywood too much, it's always been this symbol of fake friends and faces with ulterior motives to me. insert dude with butterfly meme "is this foreshadowing?" lmao. of course there was no parking on this street, but i managed to prevail and park in the red and made my way to the first location of my day. i walked up the stairs and knocked on the door, feeling very not real at that moment. i could hear the voices of multiple girls talking and laughing, and one saying "coming!" as i knocked on the door. fuck, dude lol. the door opened and it was her, fr fr. shes extremely pretty, even with no makeup. somehow i manage to introduce myself and she's extremely nice. she introduces me to everyone else present, 3 friends with one of them being her hair stylist and another her makeup artist. the singer and her friend shared this lip plumping tool, that pretty much suctions your lips? it was interesting to watch, no judgement tho i get it lol. they were just getting their things ready before we carpooled to the desert for the day. i just kinda anxiously sat there, until it was time to go. we piled into my 94 chevy caprice that was working but at the end of its life span for sure lol. the drive was almost 2 hours from what i remember, took major high ways and then eventually a small one way road deep into the middle of nowhere. we passed the house they use in the wedding scene of Kill Bill, which is funny looking back now bc the singer mentioned her inspiration for the current video project she was working on was "Tarintino inspired", checks out. we finally got to the destination and started unloading. besides us there's the film team; a hippie white couple worked as a team to produce film work for vintage aesthetics, and also a girl + father who was chosen to volunteer their classic car for the shoot. i remember the girl was super excited to be there as well, which was nice to see. the shooting commenced, roller skates and 70's disco outfits. everything overall went fine, the classic car ran out of gas once and i had to drive hella far to get gas and by the time i came back, everyone made friend with a local country man who offered to help. it was a chill experience, we even got sonic's on the way home because the singer had mentioned she never had it before. we made our way back to LA as the sun was setting, the long day finally ending. as i dropped the artist and her friends off, she said her thank yous and so did i. she told me she would be in touch soon, gave me $20 for gas for the day and went inside her home. i remember driving home and feeling excited for whatever next adventure may come from this internship.
the video would eventually come out, being released on The Fader website. i watched the video and remember feeling good to be involved in something like that, even if i played a small role (i say small but i legit drove everyone there lmao). over the next months, i would end up assisting her on a variety of different endeavors. to keep this story brief, i'll just list some of the experiences as their stories don't have to do much with the toxicity. i would drive her to photo shoots, one i remember well was a promotional shoot when the NWA movie came out with the "straight out of ____" logo. i met DJ quik there while sitting on a couch and i texted my dad to tell him lol. another time i drove her to a songwriting session that was at the home of syd bennett, from the band "The Internet", i got a cd and hats from them and was super stoked bc i loved their music as they were from Odd Future as well. another time we had to drive into the malibu mountains to visit a designer so she could choose a vintage outfit for some project, the roads were so small my big ass car barely could drive lol. on a random note, one time we were driving in hollywood and got pulled over in my car (bc of some other shit) and after the cop let us go, she told me that she was impressed by how i handled the situation bc i didn't seem "scared". wonder if she could tell i break the law sometimes lmao. there were a lot of things we would do, sometimes id sit next to her as she went frame by frame editing her own videos, which really impressed me that she took the time to edit those when she didn't really have to. we would drive around and she would compliment my music taste, one time we listened to the whole Sade two disc compilation i had in my stereo at the time and it was a chill time. i totally forgot i was not getting paid and felt more like it was hanging out with a new friend (red flag lol). sometime between all these activities, i would end up meeting her manager. she was nice, but professional, straight to the point. i feel like she just wanted to vibe check me and make sure i wasn't some weirdo that her artist was hanging around. when i met with her and her manager though, i remember that was the first time they both told me that whenever they start making good money (whatever that means) they could actually hire me for the work i'm doing. (red flag lol)
i hadn't really noticed any super negative things yet, but i do have a problem with ignoring smaller red flags, i've noticed this even with my dating experiences lmfao. so looking back, im sure i ignored my needs as an intern to give everything to her instead. the first time i felt negative with her was one time after a long day of work, she left an eyeshadow palette in the backseat of my car. i didn't notice it was in my car still until i got back home after an hour drive in LA traffic. my car was rough around this time, needing an oil change which i hadn't had the time to handle yet but was planning to so i was trying to take it as easy as i could until then. the artist ends up hitting me up and asking if she left it in my car and i told her yes, that i could return it the next free day i had bc i worked the next few days. but she didn't want that, instead she wanted me to drive all the way back and give her the pallete bc she was going out of town the next day. i had to agree and i made another one hour drive all the way back to hollywood, even though i'm sure the artists easily could have gone to sephora and bought a new too faced palette for $40. when i got to her apartment, she ran outside and grabbed the palette with a brief hi and bye and ran back inside. no gas money, no thank you. whatever, i drove back home and tried to brush it off. i should've taken notes on that behavior but i didn't. my fault i guess.
so she goes out of town to do some shows and work. i go back to my day job and try saving money to work on car maintenance and what not.
something funny came across my ig feed, a selfie of the artist on her profile, in my car. cool! i read the caption and she put "my uber driver crazy" or something like that. um... alright lmao. i didn't expect a shout out i wasn't even in the picture but uber driver? u don't even give me money lmfao. whatever, brushed it off again. we don't have much contact when she's out of town. i see that she is in a new relationship tho, with a rapper from the east coast that i liked. it didn't really mean much, just an interesting update at the time. time passes, it's probably been a month or two, and i noticed that she's back in town. sweet, should be getting back to the internship right? welllll not really lol. i contact her just to send a "hey how are you, hope travels were well, i'm ready when ur ready" email, no response. on instagram, someone else is driving her around now, her boyfriend i assume? hmmm. the silence makes me jump to conclusions that she dropped me because she got a new chauffeur that she don't gotta worry about paying or compensating for their time. she pretty much ghosted me at this time. no responses, nothing. i even email her manager to make sure i didn't fuck up or something? nothing.
i was hella bummed. i wasn't sure what i did, if i did anything. i thought things were going well, i thought i was on the path to something amazing and life changing. what the fuck. i had to give up hope and just accept i had been used and dumped by some artist that i looked up to. i'm not the first person this has happened to, but it still sucks. i try to let it go, keep working at my shit job and live my life. one day, a new video pops up on my recommended for youtube. it's her, with this artist named Cuco. side tangent, i know there's some drama and controversy over that dude, idk much about it so i can't speak on it, he's just involved in the timeline so that's why he's here. want to know something real funny thoooo? lol. i had recommended that she reached out to work with him. i sent her dm while we still had contact with each other and was like "this guy is performing a lot in the diy scene im involved in, he seems like a good shot to make it big one day, i think y'all compliment each others sounds, would be cool!" and she read the message no reply. now seeing this, i just had a weird feeling. being ghosted + no thanks you for your input? not tight. i kept telling myself that's just what being an intern is, but is it? I felt less than and i don't think that's the point of volunteering your time and effort to help build up someone more powerful than you already. i think i was finally fed up with this situation when someone on twitter asked me what had happened to my internship (some ppl knew some ppl didn't), and that was it. i decided to spill the tea on twitter.
i didn't tag her, i think i just wrote her first name like once or twice. i posted a series of tweets pretty much summarizing all the was written here up to this point. just explaining how i felt confused and was unsure of why i would get ghosted like that. what i forgot tho is that this artist would search her own name on twitter to see what people said about her, i seen her do it multiple times. she would respond to someone's negative opinion with not great words and delete them later when she probably felt bad or guilty about reacting to online people she didn't even know. so she came across my tweets somehow, and THEN SHE FINALLY HMU. lmao. and guess what she said? she told me that she was upset seeing me talk about her that way (i just told the truth?) and that she THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS. RED FLAG. huh? what? she went on to say how she has such a hard time trusting people because they always say bad things behind her back, blah blah blah. i can't lie, it worked on me at the time. i didn't apologize fully, instead just told her i came to the assumption that she used me and didn't need me because her new boyfriend because she left me with no other thing to believe in? her response and solution to this issue was to gift me all access passes to Beach Goth and told me to come see her backstage before she had to perform, and that she didn't mean to ghost me or whatever. it worked though, i was too excited and quickly forgot the pain i was feeling previously.
to keep things short, beach goth came. it was fun, i can't lie. running around back stage, no lines, didn't have to sneak in my weed. but i never got to see her, i saw her manager tho and said hi and asked where the artist was, supposedly she didn't know but i have a feeling it was a lie. whatever. i saw music i liked, went home and tried to forget the negative feelings i had. then it happened again, she reached out asking if i wanted tickets to her valentine's day show? same deal, let her know when i'm there so she can say hi. and of course, didn't happen. she never hmu when i texted her. i ended up just giving up completely on trying to save any type of working relationship with this person. it became obvious that they were just trying to sweeten up my version of how i saw her so maybe i wouldn't share my negative experience. i took it for what it was and started to look for new jobs instead. i remember seeing her at an Illegal Civ video release event in dtla, and she acted like she didn't know who i was even though we made eye contact enough to know we both saw each other. i dont like to make scenes or make a fool out of myself more than necessary, so i didn't try to go up and say anything as she was surrounded by many other musicians that i looked up to as well.
i haven't been an intern since this all happened, and that's ok. i'm kind of glad i got my shitty intern experience out the way at such an early stage of my adulthood. i guess it's probably the prime time to manipulate someone when they are 19 years old huh lol. she has a new assistant nowadays, who she actually pays. i actually somewhat know her new assistant, we follow each other on IG lmao. but it's no hate towards her, she's a hard worker and deserves that for herself. i just hope that the artist doesn't make her new asssitant feel dumb and truly values their efforts.
i dont know if this is the story and drama people were expecting to read, but if you read all this way thank you. just remember to trust your gut and look out for YOUR best interest, not others. it'll save you lots of time, energy and gas money lol. byeeeee <3
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